Jekyll and Hyde



The summer has completely flown by and i feel like all i have done is work (my full time job) whilst parenting my 2 year old son and trying to read for my EdD in and around and when I can. We managed a week in Wales by the beach and that was heaven to simply switch off and enjoy a sunny week. Admittedly the laptop did come with me and I read a journal or two per night just to feel like i was keeping on top of things.

I had an assignment deadline early September and when i got into writing my assignment I realised that this task had asked a lot more of us than previous assignments. I had a couple of days where I panicked and I scolded myself for leaving things a bit last minute. I had some really insightful and motivating chats with my supervisor and I hunkered down and made my deadline.

With Covid and the constant changing rules and the increasing pressures at work, I have really questioned my position as a doctoral student throughout the summer and I have gone from thoughts and feelings that tell me I am doing the right thing and that I can gain my doctorate. I am on the right path. But I have also had significant imposter feelings where I have seriously thought about dropping out, giving up, realising that I am not academic and that is just too much for me to achieve. But I am Taurus, I am stubborn and determined and I have a mindset where I commit to something and then I put a plan in place to ensure that I achieve whatever it might be.
 
Speaking with friends and colleagues I have been told that these ups and downs feelings are normal and that its perfectly ok to feel like I am making progress and then I am being knocked back a few steps and that this Jeckyll and Hyde mentality is something that will continue to be present even when I hopefully manage to gain my doctorate.

When i feel pressured or stressed about something I find solace in a long hot bath, my ears below the water to drown out noise. I lay there contemplating whatever is stressing me out and i slowly relax and formulate a plan of action. I can spend hours in the bath which my partner and friends find both funny and weird.

My advice to anyone who is juggling a number of activities such as work, study, parenting and other tasks, make sure to take time out and do something to help you relax and unwind and listen to your needs. If you dont feel motivated then, take the day off from study, the ideas will still be ticking along in the background. When you return to your studies you will make better progress as your mind and body will feel more rested and ready to get on with the task at hand.
 
I am hoping to be able to write more in the coming months and to provide some more handy tips to help with progressing your own PhD studies.


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