Out of my depth


so I haven't posted for a couple of weeks as I have just been up to my ears in deadlines for both work and study and in order to make these deadlines something had to be dropped and the blog got it.

this morning I was reading through some blog posts on Pubs and Publications and I came across a post that was focused on the journey of the PhD and that all-encompassing feeling of being overwhelmed and perhaps out of your depth?

I signed up to my EdD in 2018 and the initial feeling of excitement was quickly replaced with a feeling of inferiority, inexperience and incapability and I sat down one night to read and wondered whether I had made the right choice in actually going through with my plans to gain my doctorate.

My free time was being taken up with reading papers that felt above my reading levels and the intellectual discussions that were taking place on various subject areas really just made me feel even more isolated from the doctoral journey.

it was over coffee I chatted with an academic friend whilst at work and she asked how the EdD was going. I felt i was in a space where i could be honest and tell her that i felt i was out of my depth and that i had made a mistake. she told me that was bullshit and i was taken aback. She said that since she had known me I had proven to be someone who could achieve whatever they set their mind to and that all i was experiencing was the settling in jitters. They would soon pass and as my doctoral journey progressed, i would find my groove and my confidence would rise.

She told me to think about the doctorate in the same way as approaching a brand new job where I have little experience in how to do the job well. It takes time to learn the environment, the processes and the jargon and all of that is ok. What matters is dedication, commitment and a plan of action to ensure that improvements are made whilst confidence is built.

I went home that night and sat down to study but I

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